Dear Father,
I forgive you and I thank you. Forgiveness is a virtue, my mother taught me that. She taught me to love those who are least deserving, weak, and broken. She also taught me to guard my heart carefully from those who would seek to destroy it. In part I suppose these were lessons that she learned from you and passed along to me; However, those are not lessons any person should ever have to learn in experience from a parent. Aside from that disappointing fact, I am glad that you forced those lessons upon me from a young age. Thank you.
Thank you for showing me that words mean very little without action. For telling me that you would take me to the movies in a few weeks, only to never show. To tell me that you couldn’t visit me because you are paying so much in child support that you can’t afford to, when actually you didn’t pay for years at a time. To tell me that you couldn’t ever call because my mother wouldn’t let you speak to me, when she told me every time. For promising me the moon and stars only to abandon me when things became difficult for you. You taught me that the significance of one’s word is nothing without a valued character to back it.
Thank you for teaching me that pain and loss are temporary. I cried every birthday when you didn’t call. More so on the birthday that you did call and couldn’t even remember how old I was. Or that day when I was twelve years old when you slapped me because I said I wasn’t hungry and made me sit at the table until I finished every bite of dinner. For the day when you told me I would never see my mother or my brothers again. The times when you scared me and then bribed me with objects and tears and affection. I was so weak then and I loved you regardless, but when times got tough you let me go so easily. When I turned eighteen and there was no reason for you not to speak to me and yet you still didn’t try. That loss carried through me. I cried so many nights over your loss and the pain of wondering why I wasn’t good enough. Thank you for teaching me that I am worth so much more than pain and loss and that anyone who would hurt me with those things isn’t worthy of me.
Thank you for teaching me that love isn’t always equal and neither is the depth of a heart. I loved you. You were my father. How could I not? Through lies, abuse, pain, your addicion, I loved you. I never betrayed you or hurt you. I never treated you with anything less than respect. I had such a capacity, such a depth in my heart for you. I dreamed that one day we could build a relationship. That one day you would tell me that you were sorry for everything you did to cause me pain. I dreamed that one day you would love me with the same depth that I am capable of. Father, you taught me that some people simply aren’t capable of that same type self-reflection, regret, and love.
There is one more thing I would like to thank you for and that is showing me how strong I actually am. I have felt so weak because of you, so broken over you. You were the first man to ever truly break my heart and it has taken me until this moment to truly let that go. You taught me that sometimes people are toxic. Toxic to your self-worth, toxic to your life, toxic to your heart. You have been the most toxic for me. So today I am finally letting go of your toxicity. I won’t hide your cruelty, your shameful deeds, the pain you have caused, ever again. You will never hear me make another excuse for you. I am burning this bridge with you once and for all.
I don’t want you to think that I am bitter over you. That my heart is hard because of you. That you have had that kind of impact on me. What I want you to understand is that you were a tide pulling me under the waves for so long and I finally saved myself from you. I am free from you. Athough you were a rough tide, I don’t fear the ocean. I will dive in with the same ferocity that I always have and if need be, I will save myself again. I don’t hate you for pulling me under. You taught me about the beatiful things under the surface and the importance of the air above, Father. I forgive you and I thank you.
Goodbye,
Your fearless daughter
Life Unclassified 
